An explanation of apathy?

What does it mean to me when my president acknowledges and respects my lack of belief in God? What does it mean to me when my president supports and wants to legalize my potential marriage to a woman?

At face value, those things mean a lot, but when I really sit on those questions for a while I start to wonder when acknowledgement can overcome the dissension. No matter how much one man respects what I believe and how I love, one man can’t assure me that I’ll gain what I feel like I deserve.

I sat reading tweets by my former pastor tonight and glanced over social pages of Christians from my past. They’ve all but forgotten who I am at this point. They shout words that would be daggers to my heart if I truly cared about their opinions anymore. According to them, their words are Truth–even further–Truth in love. These people don’t know love. That’s not to say that I do, but after having set up camp on both sides of this fence, I think I have a little better perspective.

I’m not sure how much faith I have in Obama’s administration. I like that he wants equality. That’s what I want, too. But I get antsy in waiting and discouraged by the power of religious indoctrination to completely skew a person’s understanding of love. I want a better future, and I want to help build it. But when do our “HOPE” and “CHANGE” banners peel from their 2D form and take a three-dimensional lead into our future? What is this world we live in that makes people on all sides look at others as though their ideas are poison?

Though I’m no longer a conservative Christian, I don’t like feeling like I’m now at the other extreme. I didn’t leave so that I could fight. I left so that I could figure out who I am and what is important to me. With that comes a lot of expectations still. How dare I not vote in this election. How dare I post opinions on the internet that upset people. How dare I be passive about anything that should be important to me. I’m sorry, everyone, but I am perpetually shellshocked. I’m too stunned by my empathy for all sides to really charge forth with my pitchfork. For all my inactive apathy and for all my contradictory opinions, the truth is that it’s all too much. And I care too much about everyone. I wish things could all work out the best for everyone, but I don’t actually believe that’s an option.


9 Comments on “An explanation of apathy?”

  1. Nelson says:

    I agree with you that those people don’t know love. You certainly do because look what steps you have taken to affirm it and what you have risked to experience it on your terms. I’m not an expert counselor but I would say that what you are doing feels right – keep moving towards love.

  2. I don’t know and I am not a prophet but it sounds to me like you have been hurt by at least one person. If that is the case that is unfortunate. Still that does not put aside the fact that God does love you and is waiting for your return with opened arms. His empathy for you is so great that He sent His only Son so that you might live. It is my prayer that you let not the dieing of Christ be in vain.

  3. Nelson says:

    Kate as far as moving from the 2D promises to the 3D reality – I think it also depends a lot on where you choose to live. If you want to have a female partner and raise a child together you might have a much easier time of it, and more accepting surroundings if you lived in NYC, San Francisco, etc, rather than Tulsa OK. I think the whole country will eventually get there but it will take 100 more years. As long as there are places where they’re flying the confederate flag, there are going to be problems.

    • Kate says:

      I plan on moving to a place where my naturalness isn’t scorned. It’s really difficult dating women in the South. I’ve met some lesbians who are SO LESBIAN and yet they’re still somehow in the closet. Their family and friends delude themselves to believe these women are straight… It’s most unfortunate.

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